Dinger Machine Song Ideas

Starting this season the Miami Marlins will be rolling out the greatest home run feature in the history of Major League Baseball. It is unlike anything previous in its artistry, craftsmanship and execution. All hail the dinger machine. It laughs in the face of Bernie Brewer’s slide, sneers at the hand-shaking Twins and cuckolds the fuck out of the New York Apple. This is sports at its finest.

However, despite all its glory it is missing one thing: music. Here are a few suggestions worth considering (the first came from Gonz):

It’s not all rosy for the almighty dinger machine as some left-handed hitters, most notably X, have begun to complain about the structure:

According to Marlins players, the psychedelic home run sculpture in deep left-center could pose a problem for some hitters, specifically left-handed batters facing right-hand pitchers with sidearm deliveries.

“If it is an issue, it can no longer be there,” warned Marlins utility player Greg Dobbs. “I won’t be the only left-handed hitter saying something. If other teams have a problem with it, they’re definitely going to voice their concern to the league.”

Dobbs is of course correct.  The structure as it stands currently does create a disadvantage.

Right now only left-handed hitters have the dinger machine in their sight-lines, which necessitates the immediate commission and construction of a second adjoining dinger machine in the sight-line of right handed hitters so they too are not deprived of its glorious glow.